Tuesday, July 26, 2005

so horrible

Im eating again. It's not because i'm hungry. I'm just so depressed right now. I feel everybody hates me. Ugh. Ugh. Yeah. So what happened to me today is a totally memorable part of my life.

Here goes.

SO SHOCKING: I arrived at school so early kanina, like 5:30am so0o0 early than my usual 8:00 arrival. Hehe. anyways. I was the only student there. It was me and the guard. One on one. haha. And then the students started to come, one by one. Then my classmates also came. I was todo smiling at them like :D (I'm running for SC offive you know. hihi) Then my friend Jen came. She was todo smiling din but something is so wrong about her. But I didn't ask her anything. Yeah. So I stood up and talked to her. We went to the computer lab where we usually hang-out before classes(if yeah i wasnt goddamn late!). :) haha anyways. She looked at me blankly, like you know an empty stare. So I asked her bakit? any problem? so she answered back we did it na. I was like whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!? yeah., I know it's not a big deal, you know doing it. Oh well, I guess it is. But what freaking horrible about it is that its just with his textmate boyfriend that she just met last saturday that she made out with. like duh?! so you know it turned out like sex-eyeball. hhaha. how disgusting but I understood her, and I love her just the same. yeah. :) she's my friend you know i gosta understand her. She was todo yuko the whole day. When lunch time came she was so paranoid about it that while we were eating MOBY CARAMEL PUFFS... yummy.. she was telling me.. jackie, dumudugo. I was like duh?! we're eating aren't we? but then i assured her that it would be ok. They used rubber naman eh. She kept on asking me to punch her stomach. You know why. Her boyfriend told her that they would ABORT it if it's there na. More on this when we talk tomorrow....

SO SAD: I'm just so sad. I just found out that some of my classmates find me too proud. To explain this, I'll just be proud for a sec kei? You see, I'm on top of the class, I am a guitarist of the school choir and I'm a soloist of it too. Kaya un. I also orate, declaim, do scriptwriting for the drama club, lots of things you know. People always tell me, abnoy ka ba? Why do you have so many talents? The only problem is I'm so childish like I love to play around and stuff. I don't think about what'll happen to me and I just let people make a fool out of me, which I am totally aware of. BUT THAT WAS LAST YEAR. So yeah. I swore not to make a fool out of myself this year, since it's our last year in High School and you know, I want to take my studies seriously.(I'm just 2nd in class last year kasi i played around oh too much) Kanina sa school, we had an open forum and it was so obvious that my closest friends(who suggested the forum) are so angry at me. Maybe just annoyed. I find them so annoyed everytime I get a high grade in Trigo or physics.. you know I swear it's true. So I found myself new friends, those you can trust. You know, Gay friends. Those who wouldn't let you down. I knew it wouldn't be ok if I talked to them about this, you know, I've tried but they were just too busy hating me. Yeah. So kanina I stood up and I was like please let me know now if you hate me kasi it hurts so much kung pinaplastic niyo lang ako. 5 people raised their hand 2 of my closest friends, 2 boys and my rival in the honor roll. I was so hurt because I was so close to them but then they had reservations of me pala. So ayun. I just cried.. I feel so alone but my other classmates told me, you changed yeah but not that grabe. Those 5 people told me that along with my fats( I lost 40 pounds over the summer, i was really fat.) came my good attitude.am I that bad.?

I'm 14 and in 4th year high school. I can't understand them. I hate to say this but they are just too narrow minded. They can't understand that its so hard to be humble when you're so good(They tell me I am.)

im gonna hide under my skin again. gonna be a plastic tomorrow.


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